But other couples enter into similar situations with the intent of living like this forever. They held true to that-midway through reporting this story, they ditched their twin apartments and moved into one apartment together. My friends saw living apart together not as a permanent situation but as an added transitional step between dating and the heteronormative ideal of sharing one bedroom in one home. There are many couples who live apart involuntarily, separated by borders, jobs, or other circumstances, and others who might wish to live apart but can’t afford to do so. “They want time with other people and time to themselves.”Īs I looked for other Boston-area couples living close enough to share everyday routines, while still maintaining separate spaces, I found an entire world of people voluntarily “living apart together.” Yet the more I read about the phenomenon, the more I realized how inadequately the term makes space for the vast diversity within and around it. “There are two things that just about everyone wants, though in vastly different proportions,” writes social psychologist Bella DePaulo in her book How We Live Now. Put more practically, they were sharing an IP address without having to share an actual address. It struck me that they were getting the best of both worlds: all the benefits of coupledom without any sacrifice of individualism. Nicolaysen, as the consummate chef in the relationship, has all the equipment and food, they told me as broccoli sizzled and popped in hot oil-in his wok, on his stove-but they eat upstairs because Mytnik has the bigger, nicer table and the homier decorative aesthetic. Visiting one night after work, we stood around chatting and preparing stir-fry, and I asked them why they don’t stay in one place for dinner. Mytnik plays the part of sous chef, following gentle instructions to prep and chop all the vegetables.īut for a year, they acted differently from most other couples in one big way: When they were finished cooking, they would plate the hot food in his apartment and carry it upstairs to her apartment to eat. What they cook might vary, but there’s a familiar cadence to their routine: Nicolaysen follows the recipe in his head and plucks ingredients from the fridge and off the wire pantry rack in the kitchen. When my friends Brittany Mytnik, 28, and Ben Nicolaysen, 27, come home from work, they like to cook dinner together and talk about their days.